1. |
The Ambidexter
02:47
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THE AMBIDEXTER
thos e
Give her a hand
She’ll give you two
A wedding band
Should give her a clue
When time is an issue
It compounds her stress
And synapses misfire
Creating a mess
CHORUS:
She plays both sides
Whichever way directs her
She can’t trust the hand she’s dealt
North south east west
You know it all affects her
She can’t keep it straight, oh no!
The Ambidexter
She eats with the left
Plays frisbee with both
She has to think twice
Before giving an oath
She still relies
On mnemonic device
Visual aids
And friendly advice
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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2. |
Bracket
02:08
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BRACKET
Thos e.
Behind a pet store
In some other part of the city
It isn’t pretty
But this is where they brought me
With a hood on
That they put on
But good on them for keeping things professional
So far
They blew the Shofar
Now my chances of surviving are below par
Because my wager
Wasn’t sager
Now it’s major
Consequences that I am marinating in
I let the moment escalate
That wasn’t great
And so it’s on me to say “my bad”
One day we’ll look back on this gaffe
And have a laugh
But not today
It was the bracket that I picked
Ok so here’s the situation
And I say with no elation
All my begging
And reneging
Made this less of a vacation
There’s no sun, no sand, karaoke, margaritas
I’m staring at a pairing of uncaring brown akitas
Can I get a witness?
Seriously, I’d really like a witness
It’s more and more apparent I’m immune from immunity
And their impunity might lead to painful scrutiny
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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3. |
Corn-Fed Champion
02:31
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CORN-FED CHAMPION
thos e
What’s it like to be him?
I’d like to
Know / No
One ever could best him
In summer, spring, fall
Or in the snow
When you watch him strut
Just try not to be
Awed / Odd
That n o one else in his family
Looks like they were forged
As a God
Still is there a sadness
Only I see in his eyes?
Is this judgment unbecoming?
Does he not yearn for this prize?
Corn-fed champion
He’s the corn-fed champion
Of the town
Of the state
Of the world
He’s so great
He’s great and he is ours
The crowd held their breath
When he walked down the
Aisle / I’ll
Never forget how he accepted our love
Without a smile
My thoughts are still on him
At this late
Hour / Our
Town would bring him back again
If it were in our power
Still, we recall the sadness
In his beak and in his eyes
We could only take away from him
We could never empathize
Corn-fed champion
He’s the corn-fed champion
Of the town
Of the state
Of the world
He’s so great
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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4. |
Man Made Man-Made Man
02:21
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MAN MADE MAN-MADE MAN
thos e
When man made man-made man
His only goal was convenience
He caught a glimpse of utopia built by those man-made hands
When man made man-made man
He didn’t dream there’d be a consequence
He never thought that he’d just be enslaved by those man-made hands
And so we march in perfect lines
And spend our days inside the mines
There’s no rhyme to what we do
Nor any chance of coup
We’re just a human zoo
When man made man-made man
He thought the plan would never be undone
Thus the big dumb show of shaking those man-made hands
When man made man-made man
He dreamt he truly was the smarter one
He thought he’d always grip the plug in his man-made hands
But still we march in perfect lines
And spend our days inside the mines
Engaged in spirited debate
Is this the worst fate?
Or is it kind of great?
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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5. |
Perfect Shade of Green
03:29
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PERFECT SHADE OF GREEN
thos e
I’ve been waiting here a long time
But to me it doesn’t matter, no
I could wait all day
I’ve been waiting here most of the day
Some pieces just don’t fit
Some theories are false
I’ve been waiting here a long time
Just trying to make the pieces fit
I am waiting for that perfect shade of green
I am waiting for that perfect shade of green
I hear the shouts and the horns
The sirens in the distance
But they don’t mean a thing
By tomorrow they'll have gone away
Some pieces just won’t fit
Some theories fall apart
If I could wait here till the morning comes
Maybe I could make the pieces fit
I am waiting for that perfect shade of green
I am waiting for that perfect shade of green
And out there on some other street
You are driving, ignoring all of the signs
Or maybe you are following the directions
And I'm out of line
But I can't do anything
And you won't do anything
And I won't do anything
Without you
I am waiting for that perfect shade of green
I am waiting for that perfect shade of green
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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6. |
Gourds Last Forever
02:28
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GOURDS LAST FOREVER
thos e.
I wished I had a gourd
But I feared that it would spoil
A friend said unto me
This advice with a smile
Gourds last forever
Don’t worry about them spoiling
Cause they never do
A pumpkin or a squash
Would give me quite a thrill
Keep me company
Till I am over the hill
Gourds last forever
Don’t worry about them spoiling
Cause they never do
If they dropped the bomb
And all life came to an end
A mutant grocer clerk
Would have but one thing to vend
Gourds last forever
Don’t worry about them spoiling
Cause they never do
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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7. |
Fred & His Oasis
02:49
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FRED & HIS OASIS
thos e
In the middle of my yard
Fred has an oasis
It is often very hard
Yet he increases my psychosis
Oooh, Fred and his oasis
He has fun under the sun
But soon he will burn
He just may own a gun and I wonder
When will it be my turn
Oooh, Fred and his oasis
He's okay while he's at peace
Who knows when he will snap
As long as he's in his oasis
I'll just take a nice long nap
Oooh, Fred and his oasis
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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8. |
Queen of Norway
02:51
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QUEEN OF NORWAY
thos e.
Queen of Norway
Came to visit me
And just complained that my apartment was cold
Now
You would think that
Someone from Norway would
Be much more acclimated to the cold
She never calls before she comes
And so I’m stuck making coffee and kringele
For her entire entourage
Queen of Norway
Queen of Norway
Cleaned my carpets
Washed my dishes and rearranged my clothes
Now
You would think that
A queen wouldn’t want to be so domestic
But just consider what she’s allowed to do back home
She never calls before she comes
And so I’m stuck making coffee and kringele
For her entire entourage
Queen of Norway
And all the while the media sees us as friends
And it’s hard to believe it plays into my deepest fears
But it bears no resemblance to the pillow talk I hear
And while I must admit
That I’ve assumed a bit
With all considered what’s the most annoying thing?
That she would never even consider me her king
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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9. |
Piltdown Man/Sundog
02:55
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PILTDOWN MAN/SUNDOG
thos e
Piltdown Man don’t know
That his existence is a joke
He’s unaware that he
Is just part of a grand hoax
He don’t care to think of what he’s spent
As he’s clawing his way to middle management
He’s a Piltdown Man
Piltdown Man don’t know
That he’ll never get the knack
He’s unaware that they
Are all laughing behind his back
He won’t ever find himself content
Because his journey will stall out in middle management
Sundog! You and your twin sundog brother
Sundog! You seduce me to mistake you for another sun
Of a bastard coupling
You and your twin sun puppling
Sundog! I am inspired by your view
Sundog! You increase the daytime celestial objects by two
Properly appear to us
You need a veil of cirrus
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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10. |
Santa's a Big Fat Creep
02:53
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SANTA’S A BIG FAT CREEP
thos e
Santa’s a big fat creep
You know that Santa’s a big fat creep
He never gives me what I want
No whoa whoa whoa
Santa’s a big fat creep
You know that Santa’s a big fat creep
He never gives me what I want
When I asked him for a boat
And then I asked him for some planes
And then I asked him for a new palace
Oh did he give me what I wanted?
He did not give me what I asked for
That’s why I’m saying
When I asked him for a tank
And then I asked him for some U.S. Aid
And then I asked him for asylum
Well did he give me what I wanted?
He did not give me what I wanted
And so I wonder late at night (ay-yi-yi-ooooh)
Which of his lists I could be on (oh-whoa-whoa-oh)
And though it gives me quite a fright (ay-yi-yi-ooooh)
I suspect I am one of the Bad
I can’t help feeling like I’ve been had
I only did what your president said
That’s why I say
To everybody!
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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11. |
Wanna Be a Postman
03:49
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WANNA BE A POSTMAN
by thos e.
Postmen live a life of danger
Braving the yards of a million strangers
Everyday
You see them on every block
In their walking shorts and dark black socks
Everyday
I have the same dream all the time
I can see myself walking amongst them
I’m delivering the mail with the best of them
And if I ever give up this life of crime
I’ll take the test to be one of them
I’ll past the test
Coz I wanna be a postman
I wanna be a postman
And live out on the edge
Postmen are always well-respected
They’re everywhere but never suspected
By anyone
They are fearful of dogs but not the weather
They travel alone, never see together
By anyone
I have the same dream all the time
I can see myself walking amongst them
I’m delivering the mail with the best of them
And if I ever give up this life of crime
I’ll take the test to be one of them
I’ll past the test
Coz I wanna be a postman
I wanna be a postman
And drive on the right side
Montgomery, Alabama 36104
Juneau, Alaska 99801
Phoenix, Arizona 85001
Little Rock, Arkansas 72201
Sacramento, California 95814
Denver, Colorado 80202
Hartford, Connecticut 06103
Dover, Delaware 19901
Tallahassee, Florida 32301
Atlanta, Georgia 30303
Honolulu, Hawaii 96813
Springfield, Illinois 62701
Des Moines, Iowa 50309
Frankfort, Kentucky 40601
Baton Rouge, Louisiana 70802
Augusta, Maine 04330
Topeka, Kansas 66603
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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12. |
The Wee Eater
01:52
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The Wee Eater
by Schwa & thos e
Did you do your chores?
Did you do them all?
Did you reseal the driveway?
Did you repair the wall?
Well don’t look so surprised when
Tonight she comes to call
She’ll gnaw your bones and chew your flesh
And when your body’s laid to rest
She’ll dig you up and eat you once again!
The Wee Eater
Preys on children just like you
Who won’t do
Things their parents tell them to
The Wee Eater
Is coming right now just for you
FOR YOU!
Did you re-wire the study?
Did you feed the goat?
Did you rotate the tires
On daddy’s new Peugeot
Well don’t come runnin’ to me, lad
When you hear that tippy-toe
She’ll make her way through thick and thin
And decimate your kith and kin
And when you’ve had your heart attack
She’ll jolt you till she brings you back
To give you cardiac arrest again!
The Wee Eater
Preys on children just like you
Who won’t do
Things their parents tell them to
The Wee Eater
Is coming right now just for you
FOR YOU!
© 2021 Those Chuxx Tunes (ASCAP)
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13. |
Zombie Alien Coffee Dogs
01:31
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Thought about writing lyrics to this. Decided to leave it instrumental. Made the right choice.
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thos e. Los Angeles, California
A gentleman of a certain age who is also named Jeff Drake. He does other things, but when he's not doing those things, he's doing this.
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